Its funny...I used to think about this one girl all the time but she was with another guy.  It tore me apart everytime she talked about him or would spend time with him.  I had always felt so much more alive with each moment I spent with her...like everything would be okay as long as she was in my world.  She could and still can just smile at me and make nothing else matter but that moment...she still constantly talks about this guy...it is like being smacked over and over again and yet she doesnt even know...I wish someday I could just let go and tell her, risk it all like I tell her to do to make her heart happy...but I know why it is so hard...cause what if your heart is denied and broken like before...can it mend or will it...?  I hate broken hearts...but I pray for the strength when one day she will feel the same as I do and just run into my arms and kiss me and say..."I love you too.." 

   ~Josiah

It has literally been MONTHS since I posted anything on here and I am still not sure why I am writing on here right now besides that I can so I am.  My last entry was in May....a hell of a lot happened since May...The end of May I started dating a girl named Stacey Koogler....it went well for several months...than she broke up with me needing more time and space and it broke my heart but not as much as a week later when I found her lying on her bed without certain articles of clothing with her ex whom was in his boxers...I blwe up and kinda beat him up a bit...As you can imagine things have been weird between her and I ever since...now she is dating one of my used to be friends Greg whom swooped in after I was out of the picture...he is a dick but I hope someday he trys to get my friendship back for the saying is true, Bros before hoes...he just forgot that for a bit I hope...  In other news I moved out of the rents house in July(ish) and moved into an apartment with Alex Davis.  He is a much cleaner more organized room-mate and asking him for money is easy cause he always has it so bills are always paid on time thank God!  The only issue I have with him is that he is a closet stoner...never knew that until a few months after I moved in with the guy.  Not gonnna lie it bummed me out for I thought I had rid myself of being around any sort of drgu...guess not.  Everyone left for college and I got lonely...I hung out with Stacey and the guys until that all went haywire...now I feel utterly alone.  I have a program on my computer that downloads t.v. shows and I can not tell you how many nights or days I just sit here watching them for not having anyone to hang out with or not feeling like making new friends cause I know I am a little depressed just hiding that under the nearest rug.  I miss Andrew and the random adventures with him procurring lawn gnomes or just running around doing stupid things...good times.  I miss Emily and just showing up at her house all the time hanging out with her.  I miss the dancer girls and doing circles in my truck or frolicking to and from from starbucks to starbucks.  I miss the people that were always in my home so I was never ever bored.  In other news I have been making several trips to UC to visit Emily...and I met a new Emily.  They are kinda like twins...but not...it is crazy and I kinda like one of them.  haha  She is a sweetheart and collors me pictures!  lol  She is a cutey!  JOe and I are good.  We hang out when we can and have some deep conversations...It is good.  I am quiting smoking for like the third time and hopeffully last time ever as well!  After what happened with Stacey I think I tried to drink away my sorrows for I was drinking every night...now though I am barely drinking which is a good thing.  I was beginning to become an alcoholic...but its all good now.  This thing is like a fricken novel.  I guess it gets that way when you dont write on here in months.  I am 20 now...it was a horible birthday.  lol  Stacey broke up with me a few days before it...so it made everything weird.   I have gotten a lot closer to Emily Skrobot too.  Me and my Emily's...gotta love it!  lol  I have a new job at El Meson.  I love it there and the people!  Often times on the weekends we go off to B-dubs and have a beer or two and talk.  It is a good time!  I still work at Olive Garden but only a minimal amount which is nice...cause Stacey and Greg work there so seeing them less is a plus not gonna lie...  I have suede couches...lol  random I know but they are pretty I sink into them and sleep forever sometimes!  lol  Often I sleep there instead of my comfy bed...who woulda thought?  In other news Derek Joe'es ex step brother died....I didnt know him as well as I had wished...but it took a tole on me...still is.  I havent left my apartment in over 24 hours...pathetic I know but what can you do.  I still havent fully come to realize it...it is like I am still in shock...I cried last night...it was a good cry...anwaysy enough with sad things think happy thoughts...  So everyone is coming home for Christmas Break and I am soo excited!  I miss everyone so much I cant even stand it!  Hopefully I will get to see everyone and spend time with everyone!  I miss you guys!   So until next time...

    ~Josiah

It appears it has been decades since my last entry...lol  Welp, I am not dead.  So that is at least some good news right there for ya!  In other news my classes end soon for which I am very anxious for!  I have a busy summer to attend to with The O.G., Music Man, and various random short vacations I plan to embark on throughout the summer months.  The money for my bike comes in this week, so stay off the roads everyone for I will be roaming around spinning peoples heads as I saunter past!  lol   Life is good right now, ridiculously good in some areas and I need to work on others.  I jsut got to get some of my close friends to where I am at.  lol  That would make everything better I think!  Welp, if you havent seen me recently call me, if you have seen me recently call me anyways!  I get bored easily and if you know me even fairly well you know just how easily that happens...lol  So Keep my ADD self at work!  lol  Welp, boring entry, didnt tell ya'll very much but whatever....lol

   ~Josiah

Oh buddy...what an intense night...Its funny...I have been sitting infront of this computer screen for 5-10 minutes now and I still dont even know where to start because my thoughts are everywhere....it feels as if a tornado swept through my head and everything was left in shambles and all over the place.  Its crazy how you can think you are doing so well but still be screwing up so much and not even realizing it until somone slaps ya across the face.  That is just crazy!  Sometimes I hate who I am...how I am so different from other guys.  It always seems to get me into more trouble, whether I get myself into situations where I supposedly led someone on because they didnt know about my touchy feely personality or that I am nicer than most guys, or that I am just more emotional than most guys...in other words I am metrosexual.  It means everyone who comes in contact with me will have a different relationship with me than with others.  It means a whole lot more than people realize I think..but oh well.  Anyways...I am off.  Adios...goodnight.

Its the 25th...I still havent gotten my bike...what a crock.  lol  I am a little bitter about it but what the heck..mine as well TRY to be patient but those whom know me best know that isnt one of my strong suits...haha  Anywho.  I am going to prom.  lol  This will be my fifth prom in five years...wow...  I am going with my short candian buddy Becca!  We are probably going with Emily and Chris Wall and some others but I am nto sure yet.  It shall be a fantastic night full of exciting endevours I am sure!  Becca and I had a Tall Man and Short girl night out.  We went to dinner and our waiter asked if we were dating...it was funny because BOTH of us were adamant in saying no right away!  lol  Then we went to see a movie...what a traditional non-date.  haha  After the movie we Starbucks hopped then ended up in Andrew Erblands van in the Wendys parkign lot and talked to him, Kristen, and John for awhile.  It was a super fun night!  Becca I love you my little boob wetter!  lol  Great laughs!  Anywho.  Otherwise I have hung out with several friends of late and worked a WHOLE bunch!  The other night I went and hurt my ankle thanks to Applebees and a fun night of laughs and me being a retard hurting my ankle but what the heck, gotta live and have fun I guess!  Damn stupid weak ankles!  Anyways, so I am at school and am bored so I keep trying to come up with things to fill up lines so I have something to do but since nothing else is coming to me I am just going to go.  Peace!

    ~Josiah